Inside My Head : Engineer Vs Teacher (Part II)

My History....
I never thought....one day i'll be an engineer. Dari kecik sampai my age 18yrs old my ambition is to be a doctor (fuhhh...tingginyer cita2)...tak pnah tepk pon pasal engineer2 nih....lg pulak..aku tak minat langsung ngan physic...bg aku physic susah....tp aku minat giler Add Math/Maths...and result add maths aku pon bleh tahan laa.....org kata klu terer add maths..akan terer physic..nampaknyer teory org tu silap laa......hahahaha...

Dengan result matriculation yg tak excellent..so tak layak la aku nak jd doctor.....so i decide not to involve with biology anymore.....i changed from biology to physic...choose engineering...chemical engineering (majoring in oil and gas....tu pon sebab aku minat gak la ngan kimia....matric aku kimia aku dapat A..:):)..)...After Graduation..i've called by Petronas for interview.....failed...so i've turn from Oil and gas to Eletronic..so that's why im Engineer in Electronic Manufacturing Company.....hahahha....actually takdela involve ngan electronic sangat keje aku nie.....aku banyak involve ngan process..develope process for New Product Introduction........

Im not suprised to know so many people change their carreer in the mid of life with thousand of reason. And...the famous profession to choose is Teacher. Why????Maybe...

1)there's a program for graduate student from any course (KPLI)...so senang nak apply (apply jerlaa...nak dapat tu susah gak)

2)Time consume - working hrs for teachers is very convenience (compared with engineer...normal working hrs 10 to 12 hrs) ..so agak tak sesueeiiii utk yg dah ada family dan anak2 (for woman)

3) salary pon bleh tahan..........silap2 lagi mahal dr engineer (klu calculate by hrs laa..hahah)

4)banyak choice utk working base (yelaaa....satu daerah tu blambak skolah yg ada)

5)ramai pompuan...huhuhuu...(senang nak bergossip)

6)maybe diorg pon cam aku....tak confident dengan diri sendiri.....to retire as an engineer (as far as i know dekat 3 kilang aku keje..tak jumpa lagi engineer yg umo 32 above

7)Dah ada rutin kerja hari2.....so takyah pk hr nie nak kene buat apa....urgent meeting apa yg nak kene handle...nak push sape plak utk close AR....quality issue apa plak nak jd

8)Nobody will disturb u from 12am to 7am.......bleh tdo lena....

This is a brief reason yg aku rasa laaa....and mostly for engineer in EMS and MNC company...im not talking for those yg keje dekat petronas ker...shell ker...

to be continue....

Inside My Head : Engineer Vs Teacher

Actually banyak bende yg aku nak tulis berkenaan dengan tajuk kat atas tu....i can say, its one of the self conflict that i faced from the past 2 yrs...but its not so critical. Just sometimes feels like im in the wrong way...so negative thought....hahaha

Dulu..penah cikgu add math aku cakap...."why you are not believe in yourself??i believe in you...you should believe its more"..nie bile aku ckp kat dia aku tak confident nak dapat distinction dlm Add Maths..but well...aku sucsess jgk and got A2. Today...its happened again..im not believe in myself...dont think can retire as an engineer...the worst is..thought im not born to be an engineer...is it true??? Ermm......sometimes we DON'T EVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING WHO WE ARE. Don't apologize for being smart, being strong, for looking like you look, thinking what you think, feeling how you feel. Don't waste our time worrying about what other people say or do. Just be strong, and be the woman we're meant to be.

Well.....aku rasa its better for me ...to explain what is the actual problem i faced. By refer to the profile...im 27 yrs...married and now working as Manufacturing Engineer kat salah sebuah Multinational Company kat Kulim Hi-Tech Park. dah 4 yrs++ aku keje dlm bidang nie and dah 3 kilang aku keje and kat sini la yg plg lama...2yrs++...Gaji pon ok laaa....agak mewah...but Its not easy to be a woman engineer especially bila directly involved dengan product and production (yield and quality laa)..Aku rasa requirement dia ...tahan kene maki.....and luv to work under pressure...hahaha...1st day aku report duty kat situ..i've told that im the only women work as manufacturing engineer and will work together with another 20++ man engineer and around 30++ technician which also a guy. Errkk..masa tu aku dah rasa takut...rasa cam pasni aku mesti kene buli...!st time aku jumpe engineering manager..the last sentence he said before release aku " here..you need to work as others....no skin..no race..no genders..everybody must give fully support with full capacity....you must proof to others that you can do it...you are the only girl"fuhh...kecut perut aku...high expectation......

Ok...let move...after 2yrs++ (total 4yrs++) aku dah mula rasa aku tak sesuai jd engineer...yelaa...mula2 keje mestilah excited..blk malam2 buta pon tak pe especially time bujang...blk pon bukan buat aperr...lepak sorang2...sembang ngan dinding......drp blk awal ngan tak buat apa..baik aku lepak kat kilang...ye dak???

Skg nie aku rasa cam dah penat...everyday is urgent..semua bende nak kene rush....silap sket kene balun...aku rasa takde yg tak urgent.....Super Urgent..Top Urgent...Super Top Urgent...Urgent....hishh...klu nak setel pon...kene pilih yg urgent but less important...pening...pening...Tu yg lama2 jd penat tu...and make me think to change profession..Engineer turn to Teacher...Bleh ker????difficut to decide..................

Lets move to history::......................

Just drop it down...

Part 1: On the Outside
Name : Suhaini Sudin
Date of Birth : 28th September 1980
Current Status : Married
Eye Colour : Dark brown
Hair Colour : Originally black
Righty or Lefty : Righty
Zodiac Sign : Libra

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage : 3/4 Melayu + 1/4 Siamese
Your Fear : To have a lost - Cant think how im going to live thru the day
Your Weakness: My bad tempered/kureng sabar
Your Perfect Pizza : Pizza Hawaian Chicken

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : Bleh tak ambik mc hari nie...
Your bedtime : Around 12 midnite
Your most missed memory : My day when i was a student

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Coke
McDees or Burger King : McD
Single or Group Dates : Single
Adidas or Nike : Nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea : Tea Ais
Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate
Cappucino or Coffee : Cappucino

Part 5: Do You…
Smoke : Nope
Curse : Selalu...especially bile rasa cam nak kene buli...especially time NPI..

Part 6: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol : Nope. Never.
Gone to the mall : Before misscarriage....skg pon still nak pegi tp tak brani nak jalan2 sangat
Been on stage : Nope
Eaten sushi : Skali jer try 2thn lepas...Tak suka..
Dyed your hair : Never

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game : Errkkk....
Changed who you were to fit in : No

Part 8 : Marrriage
Age you’re hoping to be married : 25

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best Eye colour : Dark brown
Hair colour : Black + dark brown
Short or long hair : Long

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago : checked my Email...before i go for lunch and training again at 1.30pm
1 hour ago : Ronda kat production line lepas 2 hr kat kulim golf for FMEA training...saja tunjuk muka
1 month ago : Shopping....looking for new blouse at modern mum

Part 11: Finish The Sentence
I love : my family
I feel : want to pregnant again this week
I hate : to wait
I hide : Ermm.....mana bleh gtau
I miss : My home...Terengganu
I need : to have my own house...and be the 1st lady

Recovery Plan

I start to work on Honeywell Project today. Read all the docs...its suck...so full of appendix....drawing penuh dengan karangan....what the heck... Berpinar bijik mata aku.....

But what's the important is.......aku nak tdo lena lepas nie.......

Aku Redha.................

28May07 our 2nd anniversary~ the day finally come when i was confirmed 5 weeks pregnant. There's nothing to say except syukur pada Allah yg maha kuasa. After 2 years with full of pray, we got what we want and we hope. This told us that we are perfect as a woman...and man....I start to read book about pregnancy...start to receive "congratulation" from frens. I start to think of the name for the baby....never feel like this before.Im the happiest woman in the world. I start to read Surah Luqman, surah Maryam , surah yusuf , surah taubah, surah yasin....to have a child with full of perfection.

6July07 ~ My pregnancy is 11 weeks now. Petang tu aku rasa something is not right.The brown red bleeding. Aku call mak kat kampung and katanya..kadang2 biasa jer tu....lega

8July07 ~ aku sekali lagi bleeding. Sikit. Cepat aku ajak abang ke klinik. Aku berdebar sepanjang jalan...Pray for the things that i also dont know. Ask abang to drop at Maternity specialist. After told that i have a little bleeding...he scan to see the baby...
I heard the words that no woman wants to hear -- “I can’t find a fetal heartbeat.” Then, it hit me. I was having a miscarriage????It’s enough to send me screaming into the night.

I cant sleep. Try not to believe what doc said. Abang ajak ke klinik venka for confirmation and still ajak ke klinik kesihatan for registration. At first aku refused...then with the hope what the doc said is wrong...aku agree to register 1st but aku dah tak confident dengan Doc venka. Aku ajak abang terus ker Bagan specialist lepas registration. He said..OK...

9July07 ~ pagi tu dengan mood aku yg tak berapa betul...aku ke klinik.. as usual..everything is slow and lembab. Aku rasa darah aku naik sampai ke kepala dengan procedure klinik yg tak systematic...normall la gomen....lepas 3 jam lebih kat situ....kitorang pegi makan then trus ke bagan specialist....
Its 1pm...doc pon nak makan jugak...we wait untill 2pm...then jumpe Dr. Fawziah Tan sri ishak, consultant of Obstetrician and Gynecologist. skali lagi aku di scan.....tak nampak sangat...then 2nd time she want to scan from below....What the doc said before is correct. No heartbeat found. This is call miss abortion. She ask to go thru D&C for cleaning.

The loss of your unborn child.

Whether your loss was yesterday, last month, or last year...your sadness is as much a fact of life for you today, as the sun rising each morning.

And whether your pregnancy was planned for or not...whether you have a lifelong partner, or your relationship has soured...this is not what you expected.

There are so many confused thoughts and overwhelming feelings battling inside me, it’s hard to decide which pain to deal with first.

The mental and emotional anguish...or the empty ache of my body.

And well-meaning friends and family...perhaps even my partner...aren’t exactly helping when they murmur things like...

“It was God’s will.”

“Think how much worse you would feel if it had actually been born.”

Or my personal favorite...

“At least you weren’t very far along.”

When I told family and friends about our loss, I was surprised to learn how many other women and couples had also experienced a miscarriage. I found some comfort knowing that we were not alone. Most encouraging, I spoke to many people who had successful pregnancies after their loss.

I discovered that miscarriage is a commonly shared secret experience -- like menstruation, sex, pregnancy, labor and menopause -- among women. Or women may only discuss their loss with other women who have experienced it.

The best words of comfort and advice came from the nurse who cared for me the day my water broke. After the doctor confirmed that my worst fears were true, the nurse told me that she, too, had miscarried. She said, “You are going to cry and grieve, and it will surprise you that it will take a month before your body won’t feel pregnant anymore. But you will feel better, and someday you will become pregnant again. It won’t be easy but you’ll get through it.”

Her words would keep coming back to me over the following weeks. She seemed to have prophesied many of the physical and emotional changes I went through. I experienced a sadness that surprised me; the physical changes my body was slow to shed reminded me of my loss.

What i Hope for today and tomorrow, akan dimurahkan rezeki kami utk menimang cahaya mata...Semoga Allah murahkan rezeki kami. For the things happened....Aku Redha.........