28May07 our 2nd anniversary~ the day finally come when i was confirmed 5 weeks pregnant. There's nothing to say except syukur pada Allah yg maha kuasa. After 2 years with full of pray, we got what we want and we hope. This told us that we are perfect as a woman...and man....I start to read book about pregnancy...start to receive "congratulation" from frens. I start to think of the name for the baby....never feel like this before.Im the happiest woman in the world. I start to read Surah Luqman, surah Maryam , surah yusuf , surah taubah, surah yasin....to have a child with full of perfection.
6July07 ~ My pregnancy is 11 weeks now. Petang tu aku rasa something is not right.The brown red bleeding. Aku call mak kat kampung and katanya..kadang2 biasa jer tu....lega
8July07 ~ aku sekali lagi bleeding. Sikit. Cepat aku ajak abang ke klinik. Aku berdebar sepanjang jalan...Pray for the things that i also dont know. Ask abang to drop at Maternity specialist. After told that i have a little bleeding...he scan to see the baby...
I heard the words that no woman wants to hear -- “I can’t find a fetal heartbeat.” Then, it hit me. I was having a miscarriage????It’s enough to send me screaming into the night.
I cant sleep. Try not to believe what doc said. Abang ajak ke klinik venka for confirmation and still ajak ke klinik kesihatan for registration. At first aku refused...then with the hope what the doc said is wrong...aku agree to register 1st but aku dah tak confident dengan Doc venka. Aku ajak abang terus ker Bagan specialist lepas registration. He said..OK...
9July07 ~ pagi tu dengan mood aku yg tak berapa betul...aku ke klinik.. as usual..everything is slow and lembab. Aku rasa darah aku naik sampai ke kepala dengan procedure klinik yg tak systematic...normall la gomen....lepas 3 jam lebih kat situ....kitorang pegi makan then trus ke bagan specialist....
Its 1pm...doc pon nak makan jugak...we wait untill 2pm...then jumpe Dr. Fawziah Tan sri ishak, consultant of Obstetrician and Gynecologist. skali lagi aku di scan.....tak nampak sangat...then 2nd time she want to scan from below....What the doc said before is correct. No heartbeat found. This is call miss abortion. She ask to go thru D&C for cleaning.
The loss of your unborn child.
Whether your loss was yesterday, last month, or last year...your sadness is as much a fact of life for you today, as the sun rising each morning.
And whether your pregnancy was planned for or not...whether you have a lifelong partner, or your relationship has soured...this is not what you expected.
There are so many confused thoughts and overwhelming feelings battling inside me, it’s hard to decide which pain to deal with first.
The mental and emotional anguish...or the empty ache of my body.
And well-meaning friends and family...perhaps even my partner...aren’t exactly helping when they murmur things like...
“It was God’s will.”
“Think how much worse you would feel if it had actually been born.”
Or my personal favorite...
“At least you weren’t very far along.”
When I told family and friends about our loss, I was surprised to learn how many other women and couples had also experienced a miscarriage. I found some comfort knowing that we were not alone. Most encouraging, I spoke to many people who had successful pregnancies after their loss.
I discovered that miscarriage is a commonly shared secret experience -- like menstruation, sex, pregnancy, labor and menopause -- among women. Or women may only discuss their loss with other women who have experienced it.
The best words of comfort and advice came from the nurse who cared for me the day my water broke. After the doctor confirmed that my worst fears were true, the nurse told me that she, too, had miscarried. She said, “You are going to cry and grieve, and it will surprise you that it will take a month before your body won’t feel pregnant anymore. But you will feel better, and someday you will become pregnant again. It won’t be easy but you’ll get through it.”
Her words would keep coming back to me over the following weeks. She seemed to have prophesied many of the physical and emotional changes I went through. I experienced a sadness that surprised me; the physical changes my body was slow to shed reminded me of my loss.
What i Hope for today and tomorrow, akan dimurahkan rezeki kami utk menimang cahaya mata...Semoga Allah murahkan rezeki kami. For the things happened....Aku Redha.........
6July07 ~ My pregnancy is 11 weeks now. Petang tu aku rasa something is not right.The brown red bleeding. Aku call mak kat kampung and katanya..kadang2 biasa jer tu....lega
8July07 ~ aku sekali lagi bleeding. Sikit. Cepat aku ajak abang ke klinik. Aku berdebar sepanjang jalan...Pray for the things that i also dont know. Ask abang to drop at Maternity specialist. After told that i have a little bleeding...he scan to see the baby...
I heard the words that no woman wants to hear -- “I can’t find a fetal heartbeat.” Then, it hit me. I was having a miscarriage????It’s enough to send me screaming into the night.
I cant sleep. Try not to believe what doc said. Abang ajak ke klinik venka for confirmation and still ajak ke klinik kesihatan for registration. At first aku refused...then with the hope what the doc said is wrong...aku agree to register 1st but aku dah tak confident dengan Doc venka. Aku ajak abang terus ker Bagan specialist lepas registration. He said..OK...
9July07 ~ pagi tu dengan mood aku yg tak berapa betul...aku ke klinik.. as usual..everything is slow and lembab. Aku rasa darah aku naik sampai ke kepala dengan procedure klinik yg tak systematic...normall la gomen....lepas 3 jam lebih kat situ....kitorang pegi makan then trus ke bagan specialist....
Its 1pm...doc pon nak makan jugak...we wait untill 2pm...then jumpe Dr. Fawziah Tan sri ishak, consultant of Obstetrician and Gynecologist. skali lagi aku di scan.....tak nampak sangat...then 2nd time she want to scan from below....What the doc said before is correct. No heartbeat found. This is call miss abortion. She ask to go thru D&C for cleaning.
The loss of your unborn child.
Whether your loss was yesterday, last month, or last year...your sadness is as much a fact of life for you today, as the sun rising each morning.
And whether your pregnancy was planned for or not...whether you have a lifelong partner, or your relationship has soured...this is not what you expected.
There are so many confused thoughts and overwhelming feelings battling inside me, it’s hard to decide which pain to deal with first.
The mental and emotional anguish...or the empty ache of my body.
And well-meaning friends and family...perhaps even my partner...aren’t exactly helping when they murmur things like...
“It was God’s will.”
“Think how much worse you would feel if it had actually been born.”
Or my personal favorite...
“At least you weren’t very far along.”
When I told family and friends about our loss, I was surprised to learn how many other women and couples had also experienced a miscarriage. I found some comfort knowing that we were not alone. Most encouraging, I spoke to many people who had successful pregnancies after their loss.
I discovered that miscarriage is a commonly shared secret experience -- like menstruation, sex, pregnancy, labor and menopause -- among women. Or women may only discuss their loss with other women who have experienced it.
The best words of comfort and advice came from the nurse who cared for me the day my water broke. After the doctor confirmed that my worst fears were true, the nurse told me that she, too, had miscarried. She said, “You are going to cry and grieve, and it will surprise you that it will take a month before your body won’t feel pregnant anymore. But you will feel better, and someday you will become pregnant again. It won’t be easy but you’ll get through it.”
Her words would keep coming back to me over the following weeks. She seemed to have prophesied many of the physical and emotional changes I went through. I experienced a sadness that surprised me; the physical changes my body was slow to shed reminded me of my loss.
What i Hope for today and tomorrow, akan dimurahkan rezeki kami utk menimang cahaya mata...Semoga Allah murahkan rezeki kami. For the things happened....Aku Redha.........
1 comment:
suehey, this is a touching entry. jgn sedih2 lagi tau...kuatkan semangat, insya-allah aku doakan ko dapat n selamat preggy nanti.
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